Swimming in the hidden waters
Pregnancy was a profound time for me. Amidst the sickness and fatigue I would, in unexpected moments, experience deep wells of joy and excitement. I am not talking about the usual excitement and anticipation that often comes with a pregnancy, but something much deeper, much wilder and much more powerful. The wild joy of creation bubbling up from within me.
“For in God we live and move and have our being.” (Acts 17:28)
My friend Skye is a vicar, I mention her in the notes in the back of my book. Pregnancy was a rich time for her too.
“My first two pregnancies were amazing, I felt connected to nature, the world and the creator. That wonderful feeling of holding life within you – joined together by blood and water. I felt so close and so in love. As special as these pregnancies were, when I fell pregnant with my third child it was a different discovery altogether. I was ordained priest in the Church of England in 2009 so my pregnancy was during my curacy and presiding at the Eucharist was beyond all I could imagine. For me presiding at the Altar is a thin place where heaven and earth intertwine, so me being pregnant added another layer to its mysticism. To me receiving the sacraments, the bread and the wine, is us receiving Christ’s kiss and breath. It’s me receiving the life I need to continue in my faith, it’s the very thing that sustains and nourishes me. As I was presiding during my pregnancy and my baby bump was resting on the altar, as I elevated the elements – in that moment I realised the child within me was totally dependent on me for nourishment and life. It is my blood and body that feeds him. In that instant I realised this is how I am with God, this is what she wants of us. It is Christ’s body and blood that feeds us – he is our umbilical cord that connects us to God, to heaven and all creation. God who is forever present and near wants us to partake in this wonderful mystical reunion. I would do anything to protect my child – to make sure he is fed, nourished, loved and care for, and I realised and understood in that moment that this is how God feels about each of us, we are so completely precious.”
And this powerful, God given, ability to create is not confined just to pregnancy. Cheryl Lawrie offers a prayer:
“a prayer tonight for those who are holding the promise of new life (of whatever kind) inside them”
*End note: The Hebrew word for God’s compassionate mercy, ‘Rakham’ has its origins in the Hebrew word for ‘Womb’.